Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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