my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize