Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
