Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
