Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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