Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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