Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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