Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
