I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
