He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
