ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
