call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Randomize
