I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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