i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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