Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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