Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
