so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
