The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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