someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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