literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
