I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
