just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
she smelled like a LAN party
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
