i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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