So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
