Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
