There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
