Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
