yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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