My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
