Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
