u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
