He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
