I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Congratulations! We have a period
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
