Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
