Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
