At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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