In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
