Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
