ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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