i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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