Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
