I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Can you bring me the toilet please
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
