i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
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