It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
