why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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