you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
