I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
