I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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