If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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