as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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