So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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