My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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