I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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