I CAN MOONWALK!
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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